NEW NEW NEW

well I am moving my blog. I tried to customize this one and I had so many problems.. this will always be here and I linked this to my new one so I and others can go back to it. On my new one there is a link at the very top that says "older blog" that will bring you here.

my new one is : http://brielizabeth.wix.com/fearless

you can do the same as before, read, comment plus send me emails, and visit my facebook, instagram and pinterest. I am still working on it but I think it will work out well.

please visit !!! thanks!!!

Ugh

I know my blog layout doesn't make much sense right now. I'm trying to learn how to customize the html. This might take awhile :( 

Spinal Dysraphism

Spine Diagram





Spinal Dysraphism   a medical term that refers to neurological disorders related to malformations of the spinal cord. Tethered spinal cord syndrome is a type of spinal dysraphism.
( Spinal Dysraphism and Spina Bifida )


This is what I was diagnosed with. It is a little frustrating because I don't know all of my 'issues' with my spine/spinal cord. I needed to have a myelogram done to see exactly what and where the damage was, however because of my portal hypertension (causing low platelets) that test was unable to be performed. I only know what I was originally told from my MRI. I do plan on somehow having the procedure done for a lot of reasons, but overall I do want to know every detail.

Nothing new had happened with this regarding any tests or doctor visits. I just know I have not written in a while and I thought maybe it would be good to go into a lot of detail and explanations of each disorder I have. Starting with this.

What I was told: 

I have vertebral anomalies in C1, multiples at C3-4 and again at C7 through T4. Basically deformities from the base of my skull/top of my neck all the way down to about the middle of my back, my spine twists in my neck. Similar to this image :

found here


I also have butterfly vertebrae which is vertebrae that have not fused each half together.
I have scoliosis and Levoscoliosis which is a little more dangerous then regular scoliosis I have just found out while researching (wonderful). It is a curvature to the left side which can have some risk to your heart as I am learning - here

As for my spinal cord: I have diastematomyelia here- which is a split in the spinal cord. This contributes to my leg pain and weakness. There are other signs such as club foot which I do not have.

As of now that is all I know about my personal case. I dont have my own images. I had a disk with them on it, but my dr has it still. I would like to get it back and be able to pull some images off to put up here.

As for how I feel and how I am told it can make me feel : my legs and arms get very numb and tingly. My legs hurt constantly. However walking down stairs or stepping down off of something, (any sudden hard pressure applied) causes almost a feeling of broken legs. Sitting too long causes complete numbness.

It is a slow progression I was told. A lot of people can go without knowing they ever had any issues. I couldn't I guess. It does concern me how fast it is progressing. While I have made it 24 years before that night happened when my knee hurt, a lot has changed in the past almost 2 years. Yes two years is a good amount of time I guess, its not like it all happened in a week, but 2 years goes fast. And at 25 years old going another 2 years only gets me to 27, I cant help but wonder how much further a long with it all I will be by then. It doesnt necessarily scare me. Im pretty sure nothing can do that anymore (until I find something else out bad haha............just kidding). Its just a concern.

Its a little difficult to write more about the condition because spinal dysraphism is a broad term for multiple anomalies throughout the spine and spinal cord, since I dont know much more about my own case I cant explain everything as of now.


Until next time :)

2 posts in 1 day??!!

Yes yes yes :)

Doctors

Hi guys! 

So today I had a doctors appointment with a doctor for disability. I received a letter saying they wanted more information about my back/spinal issues. 

Well it was a longgggg day. My appointment was at 11:40am and of course because I'm always early I was there at 11. Good thing because I couldn't find the place at first. Anyway. 

Had to wait over 2 hours! Then they took me back for X-rays of my lower back and my knee I had surgery on. Wasn't sure why. Specially since my big spine problem is in my neck and upper back. The tech wasn't sure but he said it was probably that they had all the other info and wanted this as well. I never had my lower back checked.

Laying down for the X-ray he had to straighten me out to line me up evenly and let me tell you, I am so crooked. OMG. Worse then I thought. I guess since I can't lay straight ( I never realized that) I never knew. I felt so out of place and crooked once he moved me. I could feel how uneven things felt. My one leg is longer then the other. Same with my arms. I felt like I would fall off the table. Yet I was completely straight. So weird and really uncomfortable. 

I had to go wait again after. Finally in to see a dr. She was very nice. Everyone was actually. She just asked me how everything started. And how I got to this point. Then I explained how I feel and my symptoms. Then she did some tests. Had me walk back and forth. Stand on my heels and walk. Which I can't do. My feet immediately fall to the floor as if someone pushes on my toes. Then she had me sit and poked me with a paper clip. Didn't feel it really. Then we discussed what she found as she wrote her notes. She doesn't know what happens next. So I don't either. I hope to hear soon though and hopefully some good news. I could really use this. 

Anyway all that and I finally got home around 4! Ugh so long. 

And as I just stood up to go get something I see my back is killing me. Probably from the tech moving me all over. Oh well. I don't have anything else this week. 

Oh on another note it has been 4 weeks eating better following weight watchers points and I am down.......7.6 pounds!! Woo hoo haha. I feel like that is really good. I know a lot of this is from all the medication and that may be way it is coming off easy. I do hope it keeps it up though. I'm starting to see a difference. And Marqui told me yesterday he does as well :) :) 

That's all for now. I really need to update more often. It is hard though when I am home now all the time and don't have anything new going on. I wanted this to be mostly about my health but maybe I'll talk about other things. 

Never ending

It's be a while again. Oops. 

So last week on Monday I had to go to an appointment with my neuro, my original dr who found my spinal problem and referred me to Columbia University. I've applied for disability but it had been too long since I've seen him and I had to go. No big deal I thought. I've had a few things I really wanted to see him about anyway but was putting it off since I can't do any surgery to correct the problem. 

The things that have been going on are not really all new. My back still hurts my knees are still not they way they should be, walking down stairs still feels so strange and awkward. But the new things, my legs going numb when raised ( if I put my leg up to shave in the shower) or when I sit in the car has become worse, and my arms constantly go numb and tingly. I will wake up during the night with both of them 'asleep'. I usually just have to shake it off or change positions but it will happen through out the day as well and obviously isn't right. 

Well I first explained everything, going to Columbia, my platelets, cirrhosis, my surgeries and being unable to have anymore surgeries. 

He did some tests, had me squeeze his hands, lift my legs as he pushed them down, I did ok I guess. Checked my reflexes, very little in my right leg. Absolutely none in my left. He told me the things I'm experiencing are to be expected as progression happens but that it usually is slow. He also confirmed there is nothing I can do besides surgery, so there is nothing I can do. He then told me he wants me on disability, I said how I already applied and he told me he would send my records in.  He then asked about kids and if I planned on that because that's not a great idea/ not safe with my spine and that I need to talk to my gyno about it. Also that sooner is better. Not a conversation I'm looking forward too. I'm really hoping she has a different view. I don't even know when I will really look into that. All that I'll probably be keeping private and not go into any more discussion over until I really come to the time I need to figure it all out and talk to people about it. 

Overall I was glad he supported the disability decision. It isn't necessarily a good feeling though, I'm pretty sure no one wants to be on disability. 

Everything else has been ok. Nothing too eventful. The weather is getting nice which is good. 

Oh I have my interview with disability next Monday. Maybe next update I'll have some good news. 

So. Tired.

I so over did it this weekend. 

Friday I didn't do much but Marqui and I were up late for some reason watching shows. Didn't fall asleep till 2am about. Then I was up pretty early Saturday at 7. 

Saturday was spent with Marquis mom and sister. We hung out, had pizza, it was a nice visit. We were there most of the day. Getting back home around 5 I received a text from a family I use to have at the daycare when I worked there. Asking if I was available to babysit from 8-11. I figured I would. 

It was so good to see them! They have 2 girls. Big change from the 3 boys I'm use too. They were great and we had a good time. I got home around midnight and I was so tired. Marqui was up and on his computer. I was asleep so fast. I don't even know when he finished on the computer. 

Today I decided to clean and that turned into straightening up a little to cleaning the whole place for 4 hours. I'm glad I did it but oh man. Everything hurts! I lifted heavier things then I should have. I felt ok at the time. I'm so tired now. Laying here typing this is even exhausting and I'm just on my phone haha. 

It was a very busy, long days, weekend. But I'm glad I got to see how far I could push it. 

Tomorrow I can't just relax. Well I can but I have to exercise first. I'm starting weight watchers and exercising. I need to get In the best shape I can to help with my health. So I'll push in the morning and then relax. 

I plan on writing about it all on here a lot to help myself stay accountable. It's going to be tough but I know it's best for me and I know I can do it. Hopefully I really learn to love it haha. 

Alright. Time for bed! Have a good week :) 

Doctor time

Yesterday I had my appointment in the city with my dr at the transplant center. It was just a long day. I had to be up at 5 for the train at 6:50 all for an appointment at 9am. Train was fine. My dad picked me up at Secaucus to drive into the city. The bridge was crazy! We reached it around 8 and were stuck in traffic forever! Finally got to the parking garage at 9:30. I called and said we would be late of course. Luckily we made it up to his office around 9:45. 

The appointment went well. Of course he had to say something about us being late and even when we said why I was told he suggests his NJ patients try to get later appointments. :/ I did try but his staff is horrible. But I didn't say that. 

My blood work was fairly good. About the same as my last test. So no improvement but it's not worse. 

My mri was good. No cancer. No fluid. 

I explained my forgetfulness and confusion, headaches and exhaustion. All which he wasn't too concerned about. It's all fairly normal. 

I then explained the pain by my liver and spleen and the discomfort it causes waking me up, and how I feel it bulging, he had me lay back and felt around. Says otherwise feels it and that sometimes when you know something is wrong you 'feel' pain... Figured this would be my answer. So I just said 'it's not serious then?' And he said no. So I'll take that. 

Overall he was great. I'm learning how he is so its easier to handle. We decided I'll start a schedule. Alternating every 6 months between him and my other dr here in jersey. Every 6 months for an Mri as well. Every year an endoscopy unless I begin to feel pain or cough up blood. And I am going to try and get in the best shape i possibly can because that could help as well. He also believes if I can stay on my current medication - azathioprine and inderal without any flares that I will be able to stay off of predisone. He also believes if medication keeps working and I stay as I am or improve there is a very good chance for no need of a transplant. Ever. !!!!! 

Ok excitement over because I want to be realistic as well. He then went on to say of course of it doesn't work I will most likely need one sometime in the future because progression will result in death without one ( his words, I'm not exaggerating here) which we all don't want ( again his words! But def true) 

Last night was bad though. I began having the discomfort across my liver and spleen, which turned into pretty bad pain to the point I couldn't even tell if it was that or if I was getting really sick like a stomach bug, it caused nausea it hurt so much. I was even shivering but had no fever. I just got comfortable and slept all night in the same position. Today it's better but I feel worn from the long day. If that happens again I have to call my dr and get him to understand. 

I have hopes of staying the way I am. I feel horrible but if I can get in better shape and listen to my body and really stay on track and give the medication even more time who says a year from now I won't be in a better situation? I can work toward that atleast and if it goes another way then I will handle it as well. 

I've been very unhappy the past few weeks and it's starting to show. This appointment helped and I think will help turn my attitude around for now haha. It's difficult sometimes. I know how fast things can change. But I am hopeful. It's the only way I can live without being unhappy all the time. 

A girl I found online a while ago through cirrhosis sites I've been following her journey, I just found out she passed away about 2 weeks ago. Finding these things out is so sad and really affects me personally now since I have a direct connection but it does make me want to fight even harder. Not because I don't want to die but because I want to be a success story for others who become sick so they will fight as well. The girls I've known who passed from cirrhosis both fought and it unfortunately turned out badly. But I know when I came into all this that is all I saw. An end result of death. And while it's very likely it doesn't have to be. I'm very thankful I seem to have a good shot. I'm very thankful to my drs as well. 

Boston

Well I forgot to update :(

Boston was fun! I was up at 3 and we left by 4am. Picked up Miguel and Felix and his friend Melanie. I loved the drive. I don't know why but sometimes I really like road trips. Through jersey up to the city, over the GWB, we passed dr. Browns office haha, literally. Saw the building. Up through Connecticut, passed a Yale building, I thought that was cool. Haha. And up to Boston. Just walking from the car into the convention center I was done! I kept telling my body to not pull any crap. It listened :) 

It was 8:30 by the time we got in line. They didn't open until 10! Ugh we stood in line, sat in line, they threw around beach balls for people to hit around. It was tiring but fun actually. It was mostly video game stuff. Nothing I am into or understand but the guys loved it and I like being a part of it. We did come across a competition between two teams playing Halo. It was cool. It was taped and put on TV or the Internet. We sat in the audience and got to see the game being played on a huge screen above the teams. 

Had no idea what was going on but it was exciting haha. 

We then decided to leave and walk a few blcks to the train station to grab lunch. Closest food options. The food at the convention was crazy. I got a pretzel and a soda and it cost me $8!! 

We went back for a little and then left to head home around 2. So much traffic! Home by 7:30! We were so tired. It was nice though. According to my tracker on my phone I walked 6 miles that day. That was much needed haha. I would go again. Things like that are still fun when you go with friends and are open to enjoying   something different. 

Things have been ok since then. Feeling about the same.

I received some stuff back from disability. Packets of forms to fill out and a letter saying I have a phone interview in April. I filled everything out and mailed back aleady. I hope getting everything fast and getting an interview is good news. I could use it. 

I go to dr. Brown  this coming Tuesday. I've had a bladder infection the past few days. I got over the counter meds and it helped. But I forgot to finish it and it's back today :(. I'll finish the meds this time. I can't get a kidney infection that would be bad. 

I think this weekend Marqui and I are going to the movies. The second movie to Divergent is coming out and we really like that series, I'm reading the books, so he said we will go see it. It's also spring on Friday! 

Alright. Pics time. I didn't take too many :/ 

:) :) :)

I feel like a kid. I'm so excited! Tomorrow I am heading to Boston for the first time super early. 3 am early. All for the PAX convention. 

More Marquis thing for sure. But he asked me back in November If I wanted to go. I said I did but not to get me a ticket because with being sick and out of work I, 1 was broke and 2 didn't know where I would be months from then, in a hospital, surgeries etc. 

So I remembered this past week that it was this weekend and mentioned it and asked if that meant he would be gone all sunday. He said yes and that was it. 

Yesterday he took me to lunch and out of no where he says 'you know your coming to Boston right?'  No! No I did not! I was so excited. I can't believe he got me a ticket anyway. So sweet. They have all video game/anime stuff. Even though I don't know any of it it will be fun still. I went to one in jersey about 3 years ago with him and it was fun. He says this one is 100 times better. First we have a 4 hour trip. It's going to be a long day and I hope I feel well. I'll probably have lots of pics coming! 

Kids and kitty

I saw my boys!!!! The kids I nanny. I babysat them this past Saturday. It was so good I missed them so much! 

It was like nothing changed and I had just been there. I rang the bell and I see Liam and Evan on the stairs and I hear 'miss Brianna look I have books' and they kept talking. Before I was inside haha. 

Once in, Evan tells me he is now 5 and a half and in kindergarten, incase I forgot, and Liam tells me he is 2 and was a baby before. Adam comes over and says hi as well. I immediately have to look at books with them, Liam has changed! Evan and Adam are about the same as a few months ago but Liam talks up a storm! Full conversations, big words, he is so grown up. Their parents go out and we watch Big Hero 6 ( for the 2nd time haha, I went to a private screening with them before I left). Then it was time for bed by 10. 

They did so good and I was so happy to see them. They asked me to come back. Of course I will as long as they need help. 

Their parents were back around 12:30 and we talked a lot about everything going on with me. They are so great. So understanding and caring. Telling me if I feel at any point I can come back to work that we can figure something out so I can come back. That made me feel really good and appreciated. I told them any time they want a date night to let me know and as long as I feel well enough I will be there! 

I was pretty worn out from doing that. I decided to keep my energy up and the past few days I've been cleaning and organizing like crazy. I feel ok for the most part. Which worries me and makes me want to change my mind and go back to work. But I know when I crash I crash hard. My headaches and dizziness that comes with it is nothing to mess with and I sill need a lot of answers from my dr to know how severe everything is still. It just makes me a little restless being home. Plus I think I'm just having a good few days. This happened just after my almost splenectomy too.

I finished my disability application and got that sent out. So much information to go through but I was able to fill it out pretty well. I have to mail in a few forms and I'm all set. I can check my status within 5 days even while they are waiting on some information so hopefully in 5 days I can see things being processed. Im hoping everything goes through smoothly and quickly. I know it's a long shot but this is a serious case so I hope that I guess it 'benifits' me. 

Maybe next update I'll have some news about that! 

Oh. Random. My cat has been doing some random, silly things. So here's some pics just because :) 

This is how she always looks at Marqui. She's obsessed. 

Just things

It's been a while. Not much new to report but I figured I should post something. 

I've thought about doing so a lot lately, but I haven't been feeling well. I've had headaches every day for months. But recently it's been horrible, like the past 3 weeks. I can't even open my eyes all the way. I'm trying to get an earlier follow up with my dr. My appointment now is for March 24th! 

I did however FINALLY recieve my blood work prescription today that I was suppose to get a month ago. So I will be doing that this week. I'll also be finishing up disability and getting that going. I've been waiting on my w2 and I should get that Tuesday. I'll be happy to have all that sent in. I really hope that it goes through and quickly. I really need some income and working right now scares me. Specially with these headaches. I can't even concentrate with it. I'll see what happens. I have plans and back up plans. But of course the easy way would be the best way for all this to work out. Specially after a year of difficulty. 

I've also noticed I've been getting an ache, I guess, not really a pain, feeling where my liver is and when it happens I feel as if it's swollen. I can rub my hand over the area and feel it slightly raised. Don't think it means much. It's just interesting. 

I've be thinking a lot lately about everything. How I feel. How sick I really am. Some days I feel ok. And others I feel horrible. Haven't had a great day in a long time. Probably since before my knee went out over a year ago. I really see how I've declined. I know it could be way worse. But it does worry me. How will I be in 10 years? 20? Even a year from now. So much can change and happen. I don't think I will really improve much. There's not much I can do besides what I'm doing, medication and all that. But will I remain the same for a long time? Get worse? I don't know. It does make me anxious and a little sad sometimes. I'm still really hopeful for my future. I guess I thought of all this because the other day someone said 'your doing ok and your out of any danger now' or something similar to that... Hard to remember sometimes :/ 

And it got me thinking, just because I'm not laying in a hospital or having tons of tests doesn't mean anything. I'm not ok and I really won't ever be. I'm extremely sick and just because I don't look it or sound it or whatever doesn't mean 'oh I'm good now!'  And I'm not trying to make myself sound worse or make people feel bad for me. It's not that at all. It's just the realization I have finally come to that I am sick. I am not healthy. I never will be. I won't get better. My liver is shot. My spleen is a mess. My spine is a nightmare. And that's that. I'm on meds to hopefully slow or stall progression but it's not a miracle. Trust me I wish it was. And I'm ok with all of this. It's funny when it all started, I use to get so scared of getting cirrhosis. Then once I started getting sick this year with each new thing I would get scared. But some how each time I would just get past it and be ok with it. Thinking about it years ago I didn't know how I would handle it. I still don't know how I'm so ok with it. One day it just stopped being so scary. I almost felt a calm come over me and I knew the situation and I was ok. Yes I still have moments or days where I get sad. But I tell myself it's ok and then I feel better. I even look at my wrist now and see 'fearless' and I immediately feel like I can get through it all. I love that. That was exactly what I wanted from it. 

Well this turned into total rambling. I guess that's good :) 

Oh! One thing I don't think I'll get use to - now that I have to tell people ( drs mostly) that I have cirrhosis. It would really be nice if they didn't get a look of horror and assume I'm an alcoholic or drug addict before letting me finish my explanation. I hate seeing the look on there face and having to say.. No, it's autoimmune. I need to get use to o saying autoimmune first. But really I should be able to say it how ever I want to without assumptions. But I understand ... Still annoying though :/ 

Ok. That's all for now. Off to bed ! 

It's been a while

Not much happened since my last post. 

My follow up on the 2nd was cancelled due to bad weather. 

Yesterday I went for my breast ultrasound to rule out a cyst/cancer/anything. All good. Still not sure why I have some blood discharge but I'll see what my dr says. 

Today was my second endoscopy. I didn't even know I had it until yesterday. I called to schedule it and I get told they have (supposedly) been calling me because it was scheduled.... No calls and I didn't schedule it, so how I got the appointment I don't even know. 

It wasn't too bad. Mom took me and Marqui waited with me as I woke up and took me home. 2 veins banded again but they were smaller so not much pain. Just a strange feeling. I also don't need another for probably a year. That's good. Well not much to report otherwise. I'm really just worn out from it all. I'll update soon..

Fearless

Today I had my MRI to check for fluid in my abdomen and liver cancer. No results yet but I should have them February 2nd. 

I went to the city with just my dad today. Told mom she didn't have to come since I wasn't seeing a dr or getting results. 

Turned out to be a good day. 

I've been wanting a tattoo for over a year now with all I've gone through and something reminding me what my friend Jamila has taught me and what this year has taught me. My dad wanted to take me and get it for me. So we went and I did it. I am so happy. I love it. I actually teared up as he wiped it the final time. 

I thought of this idea over a year ago. And I kept saying 'once I get past this-' or 'after this surgery I'll get it' I always used it as the 'end' gift for myself. Well as we know there is no end to my health problems. But I am past all my major hurdles as far as I know.... For now. So it was time! 

I went to PHysical Graffiti where I did my first tattoo and my piercings. I looked online and found the guy I wanted to do it. I'm so glad I picked him. He is amazingly talented and I recommend him to anyone who asks. He was very nice and gentle and we talked during and he said how he loved my idea and how it is a very powerful tattoo. That was cool. He was young probably my age so it was easy to feel relaxed. 

Now for the pictures... I have a lot to say about my tattoo but I have a huge migraine so I'm showing a picture of what I wrote on my Instagram site.... 

This was seconds after he finished while I was still sitting in the chair

I love it so so so so much. It is beautiful and I will see it everyday and remember to live life no matter what. Go for every opportunity, be myself, be silly if I want, have fun. Be happy. Be fearless! 

This is everything

Day 1

155 days it has been since all this craziness began in August with my platelets being low, bringing me to this point. 

No dr updates yet. My pain I was having from the banding has finally settled down.  Fingers crossed it stays that way. 

Today was a big day however. It is day number 1 of being out of work permenently....... Temporarily? Well for a while, hopefully not permenently. 

I made the call today to my boss telling her I need to be on disability for a while. It went well actually. I was dreading it. I love my job. I love those kids. That job was my life before my life became drs visits and tests and medication after medication. 

I miss them so much and I am dying to go back. But my body is screaming no and I have to listen. When my dr even mentioned disability I knew it was time. 

I plan on getting through these next 3 weeks of tests and procedures and begin the paperwork. Hopefully everything goes through fast and smoothly. Hopefully. 

Then I need to rest and I want to try to increase my activity. Go to the gym walk on the treadmill maybe twice a week. Start slow. See if and what I can handle. I want to make the most of my time but I know I need to be smart and safe with my health. So while I want to plan a lot I will take it day by day. 

I feel funny with all this. I feel like it could be a great beginning to a better healthier future if I really take care of myself the way I have been and carefully plan what I do. I am happy and hopeful yet a little nervous. I don't want this year to be a waste. I don't want me being home on disability to be a waste. I do take it as a good thing that I am cautious of that already though. 

I also want to try to come up with atleast one good thing that happens in a week and keep track of it so I can always look back and see all the good in this year no matter what happens. When I think back to last year I think of so much negativity, when in reality it was also a great year. I don't want to have to look for the 'great' ever again. 

So... Since we are into January already, a little over two weeks, I will name 3 things. 

1. I received my medical Id bracelet I have been waiting for... It is beautiful rose gold and will keep me safe 

2. I have found a winter coat that is warm, long and has a hood! ( seriously I've looks for years, I'm super picky) this was an amazing find 

3. I've made some decisions on two things I'm keeping kind of quiet for now, one is regarding school in the hopefully near future which I've talked about on here and the other is something I should be getting in the next few weeks. I'm keeping that quiet until I do it :)

Ok :) that's all for now. Time to rest. Im so worn out from my long day of taking a shower, watching movies and making dinner :/ 

Seriously that is exhausting for my unhealthy body 

Woah

So I am one to read my horoscope daily. Usually they make sence to what is going on in my life but lately it's been crazy relatable. And then yesterday and today- just scary! 

Yesterday.. 

And today..

I need to keep remembering these and push forward! 

Endoscopy day

So today I had my endoscopy to check for esophageal varies from portal hypertension. Mom went with me. I figured this would be easy and wasn't nervous. I had never had one done before. 

Everything was going great. Nurses were nice. I was all comfy in my gown and blankets in the bed when my dr came by. 

He explained that if he found enlarged or bleeding veins he would tie them off with a rubber band. Essentially killing it off. It surprises me a little but I still was calm. 

Once in the room I warned them I would be asleep very soon as I started to feel dizzy just from the pre sedation stuff they give. They hurried and put the thing in my mouth that holds it open and that's all I remember!

2 veins had to be banded. :( 

I was in a lot of pain surprisingly. Had them give me pain meds twice. I didn't even take pain med with either of my two surgeries! 

My dr came and explained everything, and said I will need another to check again in a month. He also suggested I look into disability for a while to try to heal myself. 

Home by 2:30 and still very uncomfortable. I was only allowed soup, pudding, soft stuff. 

Had some. Had to take some meds because my head was also killing me. It helped with all my pain. Wore off fast though. 

Now it is 9:40pm and I am still hurting. Not terrible where I need pain meds but it would be nice :/ 

It feels like radiating heartburn just under where your bra wire would be on my upper abdomen. I did just try some plain white rice that I ate slowly because I am starving! Just soup didn't cut it after not eating all day. The 3 containers of pudding were good though haha. Oops 

So now I am just trying to get comfortable. I hope this is better tomorrow. I was told it is only to improve. Which I must say it isn't any worse. But definitely not better. 

Not the best results today. But not terrible. They weren't bleeding and after bands were put on there was immediately a difference in size. Hopefully we caught it early and it stays away. Im not too sure how all this works yet. We will see. 

The two large veins. Swollen and bumpy. 

Same veins after they were banded. Big difference! 

The lovely 3 once petechiae marks from the blood pressure cuff. This is one of the marks. They are all around my arm :( 

Ok. Back to trying to sleep! Goodnight 

2015

Happy New Year!!!

Well I am very happy for the new year. I have a feeling it's going to be a good one. I am determined to try and make it my best year yet! 

I plan on continuing the fight with my health. I want to make sure I really take care of myself and put my health first and  really listen to my body. I have done that this whole past year, but moving forward I need to keep it up to stay as healthy as possible. 

I will find out over the next few weeks what my future holds with work or possibly disability until I am much healthier. I also will be looking into the nursing program and my community college. 

I want to better myself. I'm dying to go back to school but I need to figure out everything with my health and work and whatever I need to do and then figure out all that goes along with school. I want to know that when I make my decisions or jump into something it was well thought out. 

I want to make this year count. 

Last year was waste I feel, on being sick and doctors. I couldn't start anything new or move forward. 

Maybe I moved forward more then I realize. 

Anyway. 2015 has a lot of possibilities and I hope I can catch each opportunity. 

I hope everyone has a happy and healthy year!!